Navigating Relationship Pressures: How Imago Relationship Therapy Empowers LGBTQ+ and Diverse Couples

By: Gregory E. Koch, Psy.D. | September 9, 2024

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As a psychologist and certified Imago Relationship Therapist, I’ve dedicated my career to helping individuals and couples navigate the complexities of love and partnership. But my journey isn’t just professional—it’s also deeply personal. My husband, José, and I are not only a gay couple, we are also interethnic. We have personally experienced the unique challenges that come with being a diverse couple in today’s world. The societal expectations, family pressures, and occasional misunderstandings have tested our bond. Through it all, we have found strength and growth by utilizing the tools provided in Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT). The principles of IRT provide us with a safe space to explore our differences, celebrate our love, and build a resilient partnership. Our experience has not only enriched our personal lives, it has deepened our commitment to helping other couples, especially those from the LGBTQ+ community and diverse backgrounds, find their path to lasting love and understanding.

Modern day couples face a myriad of expectations and challenges. For LGBTQ+ couples, these pressures are often compounded by societal stigma, discrimination, and unique family dynamics. Multicultural couples may struggle with navigating cultural differences and addressing prejudices. It is important to acknowledge that all couples, including LGBTQ+ and diverse couples, must contend with the usual relationship stressors, such as communication issues, work-life balance, and financial concerns.

José and I are excited to offer the Getting the Love You Want couples workshop, based on Imago Relationship Therapy, which offers valuable tools to help couples cope with relationship pressures and strengthen their bond.

The couples workshop is not group therapy. Rather, it is a weekend where José and I provide education about what drives couples to conflict, demonstrate skills that help couples successfully improve their connection, and allow time for couples to practice these skills in private.

The Getting Your Love Want couples workshop can help your relationship in the following ways:

1. Increase compassion and curiosity: The workshop encourages partners to approach each other with genuine interest, kindness, and empathy. By learning to see their partner’s perspective, couples can better understand and validate each other’s experiences, including the unique challenges faced by LGBTQ+ and diverse couples.

2. Improve communication: Learning effective communication tools is crucial for navigating relationship challenges. The workshop teaches couples how to listen actively and express themselves without using shame, blame, or criticism, to foster better understanding and a safe space for connection.

3. Address cultural differences: The workshop provides a safe space for intercultural and interethnic couples to explore and celebrate their diverse backgrounds. The tools offered will help partners negotiate cultural differences and find common ground.

4. Heal past wounds: The Imago approach recognizes that childhood experiences shape our adult relationships. The workshop teaches couples how to identify and heal past wounds and traumas, to reduce their impact on their romantic relationship.

5. Build a unique relationship identity: Creating relationship models can be challenging for LGBTQ+ and diverse couples. This workshop supports couples in developing a unique identity that honors both partners backgrounds and values.

6. Develop practical skills: Couples will leave the workshop with a practical toolkit that they can use at home to continue their growth. These include structured dialogues, exercises for deepening intimacy, and conflict resolution strategies. This practical toolkit empowers couples to navigate conflict and face their relationship challenges with confidence and understanding - ready and equipped to handle any obstacles that they might encounter.

7. Foster resilience: Couples will strengthen their connection and improve their communication to more effectively tackle external pressures and challenges. By enhancing their ability to support and understand each other, couples can build a strong foundation for navigating difficult situations and strengthening their bond.

The Getting the Love You Want couples workshop provides a supportive environment for couples to explore their relationship dynamics, free from judgment or societal expectations. While all couples are welcome, it’s particularly valuable for LGBTQ+ and diverse couples who may not see their experiences reflected in the larger society. Our goal is to create a safe, comfortable space for you to grow and learn.

As couples work through the exercises and discussions, they often experience a renewed sense of connection and understanding. They learn that conflict is not an obstacle but an opportunity for growth and deeper intimacy. This shift in perspective can bring hope and optimism to couples, showing them that their relationship can continue to grow and strengthen with commitment and practice, building a resilient partnership capable of weathering life’s challenges.

I’ve seen countless couples transform their relationships through the Imago process, and José and I have seen the benefits in our own relationship. By increasing compassion, fostering curiosity, and developing practical skills, couples can cope with societal pressures and thrive despite them.

We invite you to attend an upcoming Getting the Love You Want couples weekend workshop. Contact us for more information and to register. Imago Relationship couples therapy and couples intensives are also available. José and I look forward to meeting you soon.

About the author: Dr. Gregory E. Koch has over 20 years of experience helping individuals and couples achieve personal growth and meaningful connections. He is a licensed clinical psychologist and Certified Imago Relationship Therapist. Dr. Koch specializes in trauma recovery, LGBTQ+ support, and relationship counseling. Dr. Koch and his husband, José Ontiveros Koch, present a couple’s weekend workshop called “Getting the Love You Want.” Learn more about Dr. Gregory E. Koch. 

Getting The Love You Want Educational Workshop: What We Learned as a Couple

Written by Dr. Koch and José Ontiveros Koch

My husband, José, and I are completing professional training to facilitate the Imago-based ‘Getting the Love You Want’ Couples Workshop. This educational program is an immersive two-and-a-half-day experience on enhancing communication and building intimacy. We are excited to announce that the first workshop will be offered at Therapy Changes in June 2024! In the lead-up to our first workshop, we wanted to share a few things we learned from attending the workshop ourselves six years ago. These lessons have helped our relationship immensely and we are still practicing the skills today.  

Lessons learned:

1. The workshop introduced us to Imago Couples therapy techniques for a new way to talk and listen. We learned the skills necessary to actively listen to each other. For example, we learned how to use the 'mirroring' technique, which is when one person repeats back what the other person said. This helped ensure that we truly understood each other's perspectives before moving forward in the conversation. Mastering this technique has been a game-changer in our relationship. We now have a deeper understanding and empathy for one another.

2. We learned how differences in our upbringing impact our communication styles. Once we recognized how our backgrounds and experiences influence our communication styles, it opened our eyes to the different ways we perceive problems and how we communicate. This awareness helped us better navigate these differences in our relationship.

3. José experienced a great deal of personal growth during the workshop experience. He learned valuable skills to shift away from a reactive mind to asking for what he needs. As a couple we gained strategies to move away from reacting unconsciously to each other and towards expressing our thoughts and feelings openly by asking for what we need. This shift fostered support, empathy, and understanding in our relationship.

4. I was captivated by the concept of staying curious. The workshop underscored the significance of maintaining a sense of curiosity about each other. This perspective fostered an ongoing learning and understanding within our relationship that continues today. When we remain curious toward one another, we reduce assumptions that we have about the motivation behind each other’s behavior and remain open to learning something new about our partner that we didn’t know before.

The Getting the Love You Want workshop is a great opportunity for any couple to learn more about each other, and themselves in a safe environment. The workshop is educational; it is not therapy. This means the amount that you share with others is entirely up to you. This experience will teach you how to break destructive patterns of communicating and build new pathways for increased understanding, compassion, and closeness with your partner. Ample opportunities to practice new behaviors will be provided, with professional guidance from the group facilitators. You and your partner may be surprised at what is possible when you listen – really listen – to each other. Together you will work toward a common vision of your dream relationship.

We invite you to join us at our upcoming Getting the Love You Want Couples Workshop this June. Contact Us today for more information and to register. José and I look forward to meeting you soon!